So I just got back from Tahoe and I gotta say I dont think I have seen so many white people in my life.  I was staying at the Squaw Valley Inn which is normally a Ski resort but over summer they host like hiking and stuff, mostly stuff that white people do. (I.e. Swimming, Hiking, Biking, Mountain Climbing, Croquet)  I mean who the fuck plays croquet anyway.  I would much rather be watching 13 year old asians spin around on TV.  You like popsicles? I got popsicles in my basement.

There was some sort of festival, like a beer and jazz thing, so I was pretty stoked.  I mean, Mountain resort, check,  good beer, check, good music, check, white people, check.  This was shaping up into one fun filled trip.  So I figure I have some time to go on a hike right, than I can come back and simmer in the urine smelling glow of the squaw valley village brew festival.  Well, i get back from my hike around 9:20, and the fucking festival is over….  I mean over at 9:00.  Like so over there wasn’t anyone.  Not just like, no girls. But i mean like no dicks.  Not even geriatric dicks.  We are talking desert wasteland.  Usually there are some drunk bros that at least want to rumble with you since they couldnt attract a lady if there dix were made of 100 dollar bills. But I did find one guy that i ended up getting into one little fight and my mom got scared and said, ” you’re moving with your auntie and uncle in Bel-Air”.  I whistled for a cab and when it came near, the license plate said Fresh and had dice in the mirror. If anything I knew that this cab was rare, but I thought man forget it yo holmes to Bel-Air.  I pulled up to the house about seven or eight and i yelled to the cabbie yo holmes smell ya later.  Looked at my Kingdom i was finally there to sit on my throne the bathroom. 

By the way i just got some blizzcon tickets for free.  I heard they are selling for 1000 each now.  HHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. 

At my lastest job interview they asked me the usual boring, performa question of who your hero is.  So instead of saying Mom or Pops like everyone else does, when what they really mean is Tommy Lee.  I decided to tell them my hero was Jean-luc Picard.

And as usual the bastards cant just accept Captain Picard at face value.  I mean wtf, he’s only the most well respected man in star fleet and has banged more space tail than Tom Cruise has. hail xenu.  All while suffering from severe male pattern, baldness.  I mean look at this guy he’s goddamn good looking.  If you dont think so you’re full of shit.  So fuck you.  The interviewers laughed and I was actually quite offended as I answered it in all seriousness.  I mean why does my idol have to be the President (he looks like a monkey) or the Governor of California (he looks like a horse) or some shit (looks like a log).

Alright, more next time.  I leave you with a picture of myself.

I’m the sexy one.

Tags: Funny · Ramblings ·